Of Romance

Getting Back Into Dating

Guidelines for Using Online Dating Services

Take things slowly. If you give out too much information or become too comfortable with someone you meet on an internet dating service you run a risk of an unpleasant experience.  If someone has a real interest in you they will not object to taking your time and get to know them  before you open up to them with personal information.

Be careful when using online dating services. Search a prospective date’s name in Google  before you agree to a date. The results may surprise you. Your prospect appreciate the fact that you respect yourself you’re checking up on them and playing it safe. If the idea bothers your prospect that raises a red flag.

Has your prospect told you about what kind of job he does, where he lives, or how he grew up? Do you know the names of his family and friends, and what kind of people they are? If not, why your partner is keeping you at arm’s length? 

Dating sites are using more sophisticated matching techniques up people but they still make mistakes. Always check someone out for yourself before you accept a date. Don’t blindly accept the computer’s idea of a good match. Look over your prospect’s profile and email them a few times before making the decision to meet.

Have You had a little tiff with your prospect? A tiff tells you how he reacts to stress, and how he treats people when he’s angry. 

First Meetings

Take Control 

Without being pushy, take some control of the pace and direction of the dating process and continually gauge how well you click with your prospect.

Pick a Neutral Place

Rather than going to home ground for your prospect or your own home ground, choose a neutral place like a coffee shop, a concert or a public park.

Be Yourself 

Besides being the best basis for any relationship, honesty is easier to establish and maintain.  if your date doesn’t like you as yourself, that is better than finding out he liked a person that only exists in your own imagination. 

Don’t Move too Fast

Don’t try to move too quickly through the preliminary stages of getting to know your prospect. Even if you have decided to meet the other person face to face, you still are not obligated to carry the relationship any further than a casual date. Take each step as it comes and enjoy it.  Don’t fret about where the relationship might be going.

Review Your Expectations

If you don’t hit it off any of your prospects, review your expectations. Not every date will lead to a long-term commitment. Even so, you can still have fun meeting and dating.

How to Interest a Man

Favor a man who can appreciate your own personal assets, so you don’t feel the need to change.

Make yourself attractive - decide that you are beautiful.  Favor tasteful skirts and dresses over trousers.  If you are uncomfortable with makeup, just use a little eye liner on your top eyelid and put on some nice-smelling lip balm.  Make sure your skin doesn’t look dry.    Clean and whiten your teeth.  Core-Beauty.com

Avoid alienating love prospects - don’t let a dark mood spoil an interesting prospect.

Improve your people skills, especially listening but also making interesting small talk.  

Favor meeting men while they are involved in worthwhile activities or through a network of friends.

Dab an alluring scent on sparingly: a hint behind your ears, on the pulse points of your neck, wrists and behind your knee. Pheromones are also an interesting tactic.

Develop a real interest in your prospect’s passions.  Your eyes sparkling with interest will transfix him.  Do some research, find a way to make his passions exciting and interesting to you. Truly share his enthusiasm.

How to Interest a Man with Body Language

If you plan to go to a cafe that your prospect frequents, leave your books, computer and book bags at home. You don’t want to place anything in his path, or send out the signal, “I’m busy”.

Keep your arms away from your chest. Crossed arms mean leave me alone.

Look him in the eye when he enters a room. Keep making eye contact. Then smile. Nod to let him know you noticed him. Nodding is a gesture mostly used by men so it will catch them off guard and make them notice you.

How to Create an Intriguing Online Dating Profile

• Be truthful.
• Be enthusiastic.
• Create an air of sexiness and mystery. You want to reveal enough to entice contact, but not enough to give the game away.
• Make a list of your positive personality attributes. Are you funny, pretty, daring, religious, sporty, vegetarian?
• Make a list of your physical attributes? short, tall, ample, trim, freckeled, describe your hair and eyes
• List your pursuits - skiing, mountain biking, literature, charity work, stories, blogging, dancing, music?
• Describe your idea partner, be open -  sexually adventurous, intellectual, entrepreneurial, altruistic, funny?
• Deal Makers? A shared love of Film Noir, close family, health conciousness?
• Deal Breakers? Smoking, drugs, alcohol, sports obsession, bodily characteristics?
• Clearly describe the kind of relationship you seek - serious, casual, sexual, discrete
• Describe your romantic history? serial monogamist, flirt, open relationships, married, children.
• Who are you romantically: supportive, romantic, impulsive, stubborn, faithful, domineering?
• Be honest, but don’t paint a negative picture.  Sell yourself.

Create an appealing, attractive, and intriguing profile and you’ll attract your ideal mate, just have a good-old time, or both.

How to Quickly Tell If You Interest a Man

• Does he look into your eyes? 
• Is he interested in what you have to say? 
• Does he rearrange his schedule to see you?
• Does he enjoy seeing romantic comedies with you?
• Does he share your interest in clothes?
• Does he get along with your friends, but not too well? 
• Has he introduced you to his friends?
• Does he make you feel you are the only woman in the room?
• Does touch you often innocently: hand on your arm or the small of your back?
• Can you talk for hours?
• Has he casually brought up a current movie?
• Does he seem a little excited, giddy?

Learn how to tell if a man likes you, yes, but use your instincts to decide if you should pursue it.

When you meet a man who interests you, help him feel comfortable asking for a date.

Dating Tips

• Wear a nice dress — something you look nice in.  You may want to avoid wearing something too tight or that shows too much skin.  First, get to know him, then wear whatever you like.
• Behave nicely and be polite but know your limits.
• A movie is a poor first date.  You won’t have time to speak and get to know your prospect. Consider meeting for coffee.
• For lunch or dinner, offer to pay the bill. If he wants to pay offer to pay your share. Nowadays, that is good etiquette. If its just coffee, let him pay.
• Don’t let him fall silent. get him to talk.
• Be honest. Let him know how you really think and feel.  Let him know your limits. Don’t act someone you are not, especially do not hide your intelligence. Do you want someone who resents your intelligence?
• Listen carefully to his views, tastes, likes and dislikes. On the other hand, leave some things about yourself unsaid, for the future.
• First dates are sweet.  Accept that and enjoy it but remain sober for now in dreams about a future together.
• Don’t drink too much alcohol. You can drink on the first date but know your limits.
• Tell your friends and family about your date — where you are going and with whom.
• When saying goodbye stick to a handshake.  Don’t offer a kiss or a hug.  If he tries to kiss you, tell him politely, pleasantly and with a sense of fun to save it for the next date.  In some cultures a peck on the cheek is OK.

When the Relationship Matures

• Give him space if he needs it.  Don’t cling.
• Remind him of how much you care for him, and how much he means to you — he loves to be admired just as much as we do.
• Speak up if he treats you in a way upsets or discomforts you.
• Let him hang out with his buddies. Also let him pick his friends. If you trust each other you shouldn’t have to worry because you will know in your heart that he wants you.
• Assert yourself when something is important to you.
• Encourage him and motivate him to be better. He will value that you care about him and his future.
• Don’t try to change him. You were attracted to him…why try to change him? It will only confuse him. Appreciate him for him.
• Later, when the time is right and you really feel it, tell him you love him. Don’t rush it. Let love come to you first. For now enjoy being with him.

The holy grail of romance and dating is a method of absolutely determining compatibility with a romantic prospect. Of course no such method exists. But over the centuries some guidelines have arisen — some silly and trivial, some from the halls of science.

A quick search on the web for ‘romantic compatibility’ yields thousands of articles on astrology. There is no need to comment further on that here.

So having left the other-worldly realm lets get down to the most earthly-possible romantic thermometer: smell. A classic study indicated, to the surprise of the researchers, that when presented with a series of sweaty men’s t-shirts, a woman will select, as the most attractive (or least offensive) the garment from the man with the most dissimilar DNA. That may be nature’s way of discouraging inbreeding.

That is an interesting idea, and genetic diversity may ensure prolonged desire but it won’t ensure a loving, caring relationship.

Another interesting, if seemingly trivial, idea is that the tendency to dominate others needs to be considered in a romantic coupling. Specifically, an eldest child may be comfortable in the position of leader while a youngest child may be satisfied in a less domineering role. So, a match between an eldest child and a youngest child may produce less friction than a match between two eldest children. Moreover, the eldest brother of sisters may have an easygoing match the the youngest sister of brothers: each would be used to dealing with the opposite sex in the appropriately dominating manner. Just a thought (and not an original one but I have long forgotten the reference).

Then comes an even more obvious set of parameters: those with a similar intelligence, good looks and religious values, economic background. However, in her Chemistry of Love article Helen Fisher asserts that: “when scientists administer personality tests to long-married couples, NO patterns of personality similarity or differences emerge.”

Ms Fisher believes that “humans fall into four very broad genetic types, what I call the Explorer, Builder, Negotiator and Director–each associated respectively with the activities of dopamine, serotonin, estrogen and testosterone.  Moreover, I theorized that we are regularly attracted to individuals (from our background) who have a different genetic profile.  This way partners can bear more varied young and co-parent with a wider array of parenting skills.”

My personal feeling is that there is nothing more important than communicating. If you meet someone and can talk with them (not ‘to’ them) easily, then pursue the relationship further. To emphasize, make sure that both of you are communicating, not just one. i mention this because in the beginning, one person doing all the talking can be a kind of smoke screen, that masks the fact that you are not communicating at all: there is a talker and a listener. I believe that that dynamic will lead to difficulties over the long run.

So, smell your romantic prospect, note their position among their siblings, take note of how your conversations go and listen to your heart.

Romance interests us. We follow celebrity romances, talk with our friends about romance, watch romantic movies and television and fall in love ourselves.  Advertisers sell us things with romance.  

Romance has power. It surrounds us.  It is a primal force of nature. Romance brings new life to the planet.  Those who avoid romance for one reason or another don’t propagate their genes and are lost to evolutionary history.

We have a hunger for stories and examples of romance.  We seek romance out in the novels we read and some of us even read romantic novels.  Strong men feel tears rolling down their cheeks at a romantic movie.

The internet makes romance easier to find. It helps reduce the risk of rejection and bad experiences.  It facilitates and guides people to play with one another intellectually level before entering a romantic scenario — that is the natural progression of romance.

Join us in our examination and experience Of Romance.